Postive thinking

I went for my blood test today and had a little cry in the car on the way. I was singing along to 'chasing cars' and just teared up. I feel like I am chasing this dream of having a baby and it's not getting any closer. I am 8dpo today and apart from on and off cramping, I'm not having any pregnancy symptoms and think I'm probably out this month. I have a tendency to look on the negative side though so here are 5 reasons why I should be positive about my TTC journey:

1) I have a great, supportive husband who wants a baby as much as me and will always lift my spirits
2) My GP listens to my concerns and takes me seriously
3) We are having tests so we will at least know if there is anything we can get help for
4) 8 months is not that long in the grand scheme of things
5) One of my best friends took a year to conceive her first, and now she has two

Grey skies and cookies

It's raining outside and my mood today matches the pallid grey palette of the sky. It's amazing how quickly that dull despondency sets in. One minute you are facing the world with positivity and then just a small step sees you hurtling downwards.

I got a letter from the doctors this morning saying they have had to cancel my blood test on Tuesday. No explanation. The test is to check my progesterone levels and has to be around a week after ovulation so is very time specific. The thought of waiting another month to get some answers is sending me speeding down that emotional rollercoaster with my hands in the air. 

As it's Saturday I can't get hold of the surgery to find out what's going on so there's only one thing for it - baking! It's the one thing that is certain to brighten up rainy days and grey moods. Something about methodically following a recipe, seeing the mixture transform and savouring the sweet, slightly naughty, result is guaranteed to lift the spirits. Chocolate and walnut cookies here I come!