My timemachine

The spinning centre of the CT machine made me feel like I was in a time machine. The lights spun, the machine whirred and I imagined being transported far away.

Where would I go, forward or back? Back to when life was simpler and I still had all my hope intact. When I was oblivious to what was going on inside me. Or forward? I'm hoping that if I travelled forward I would see the happy ending. The family scene that makes all this worthwhile.

But for now, I'm stuck with the present.

Who's the daddy?

I'm watching Jeremy Kyle, always a bad idea. Why the hell can these teenage Chavs reproduce like rabbits and I can't?

In Limbo

I haven't posted in the last few weeks because I haven't really known what to say. It turns out I have cysts on both ovaries. On the left it is 5cm and the right 10cm. When I realised how big 10cm was it totally freaked me out - that's the size of a large orange! I have no idea where it can be hiding as my stomach is not that big.

I have had bood tests and am waiting on a CT scan but right now I just feel in limbo, not quite knowing what's going on.
My husband is a great support but still keeps talking about 'when' we have children. I believe we will have a family but everytime he says that something tenses inside me and I think the chances of 'when' are fading to 'if'.