*My little sister is 4 months pregnant
*I'm going in for surgery tomorrow
I am sorry to admit that my first reaction when I found out my sister is pregnant wasn't 'what brilliant news' but 'it should be me'. I felt guilty feeling that way but it is really difficult to deal with. Knowing that she is going to give my Mum her first grandchild and all the baby 'firsts' from then on. I am happy for her and being supportive but it hurts and there is no escaping it.
This weekend was particularly difficult as I went home to see my sister and also went to a friend's 30th birthday who is pregnant too. There was another pregnant girl there, who conceived in a few months and a guy who only got married in January and his wife is already 4 months pregnant. I feel such a failure when everyone around me seems to have no trouble getting pregnant and it does, as crazy as it may sound to someone who hasn't experienced it, make me feel like less of a woman.
I am having my laparoscopy tomorrow to remove my dermoid cyst and I just want to get it done now and hopefully get some answers about what's going on. I am not looking forward to the recovery but it has felt like everything has been on hold the last few months and I just want to get out the other side now.
The positive side of this whole situation is how supportive and wonderful my friends and family have been. When I have told people about the surgery I have decided to explain about the TTC and having it out in the open has made it easier for me.
Hopefully I can start making some positive steps forward with TTC now and look forward to welcoming a niece of nephew in November.
No comments:
Post a Comment